


And it felt warm

by Cringeiip



Category: The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1970s, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Angst, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Forced Marriage, M/M, Mild Smut, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-25 15:22:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20914283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cringeiip/pseuds/Cringeiip
Summary: The church usually smells like dust and rain and the sun on a warm summers day and it used to fill his chest with this nice buzzing feeling. But it doesn't anymore.Now it smells like an old attic filled with memories that he doesn't want to remember, that he can't bring himself to remember and it isn't a nice feeling anymore. It hurts.





	And it felt warm

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to write something happy, but I guess not anymore my guys. Sorry if this sucks.

\- 1967 - 

The church was a tall building with a steeple that could be seen from anywhere in town. Once you got there, the nice church people would help you.

Mother's would pat their sons on the back and whisper, 

_"If you're ever lost, baby, you head to the steeple."_

His father was the preacher so Patroclus spent most of his days in the pews, listening to the choir and the sermons. 

Whenever he tried to help, his father would say that he'd mess it up and send him outside. 

It was the middle of July and he was ten. He didn't exactly know what he did to make his father so angry, but he did and he got yelled at and now he was sitting in the grass, resting his head against the white wood paneling.

He could hear the choir from outside, their voices blending together to mimic a choir of angles. This was one of the few things Patroclus had to keep himself occupied until he would be forced to walk home and make dinner. 

Then he saw the boy.

The boy who was walking towards him with scuffed knees and golden hair.

Patroclus was so lost in his staring that he didn't even notice that the boy was already in front of him.

"Are you one o' those church people that can tell me how to get home?"

Patroclus nodded, he had done this before, helped people home before, but this boy was differently.

This boy with golden hair and sharp eyes. Eyes that seemed to speak to him.

Patroclus knew then that he would follow this boy anywhere.

-1970 -

They were 13 and Patroclus never knew that the grass behind the church was so soft. 

He always thought that he knew all the best places around the church, all the secrets and the best hiding spots. He was almost disappointed.

Almost.

He could hear Achilles breathe and shift to look at him. He could feel Achilles watching him, so he turned on his side, so that way they were looking at each other.

He didn't know who leaned in first, but he knew that their lips were touching and Achilles had his hand in his hair and he felt so _warm_ and he was sure his chest would burst open and he would die. But he was fine with that. He could die happily like this.

The kiss ended as abruptly as it began and Achilles sat up, face flushed and smiling. His eyes seemed to sing to Patroclus. They sang a song filled with hope and happiness and light.

"I should be gettin' home. My ma's gonna kill me if I'm late for dinner again." Patroclus could only nod in response, he could feel himself smiling and he felt stupid but he couldn't stop.

Achilles got up and made his way down the dirt road that led to the church. 

Patroclus wondered if they had done it right and he wondered if that mattered, but in the end he decided it didn't. 

\- 1973 -

"I can't believe that we've been friends for 6 years and I've never seen your house." 

They were 16 and, after months of begging, Patroclus finally decided that he'd show Achilles where he lived.

"Well, I practically live at the church, what's the point of bringing you here when I'm barely here?" Achilles shrugged and started to look at the knick knacks they had on the shelf.

Patroclus's house was small, horribly green, and still smelled like his mother's perfume.

"What is this?" He picked up a little ring box, turned it around in his hands, but he didn't open it.

"It has my mom's wedding ring, dad told me he didn't wanna bury her in it so he kept it." Achilles nodded and put it back on the shelf. Then he turned to Patroclus.

"Show me your room." 

Something about the way he said it made Patroclus's mouth go dry. But he nodded and grabbed Achilles hand and led him down the long hallway that led to his room.

He didn't know why he felt nervous as he watched Achilles take it in. His room wasn't messy, but it wasn't like he had much in it. 

There were some books and a desk, a dresser and his bed. Nothing crazy. 

Achilles stood there, taking it all in. Then he turned around and shut the door.

"When will your dad be home?" And Patroclus looked into his eyes and he saw something wicked, something wild and he knew why Achilles wanted to come over.

"Later." 

And that was all Achilles needed. He practically threw Patroclus on the bed and their lips met in a needy open-mouthed kissed. 

They had kissed before, but those had been small, short, innocent. Stolen when no one was looking.

Patroclus could feel Achilles forcing his hands up his shirt and his breath got caught in his throat when he felt Achilles grab his ass. 

They broke apart and Patroclus _whined_ and Achilles laughed and took of his shirt. Patroclus quickly followed suit, practically tearing his sweater as he did.

Their bodies met again, Achilles mouth attacking his neck and all Patroclus could do was wrap his hands in golden blonde hair and pull.

"Achilles, Achilles, Achilles." He said it like a prayer, over and over again. 

After all was said and done, they laid there, they were panting and their bodies were coated in sweat and Achilles had his hand in a vice grips, refusing to let go.

"Are you sorry?" The question was sudden, and it caught him off guard.

"No. Are you?" His heart skipped a beat at just the thought of Achilles regretting the choices they had made, the things they had said and done.

"No."

\- 1974 -

Patroclus knew they shouldn't have done it. He had told Achilles that the only safe place was his house. That they shouldn't push their luck. But Achilles begged and used his sharp tongue to convince him that everything would be all right.

"My mom won't be home til late. She's visiting a friend a few towns away." 

So, Patroclus let him kiss his neck and touch his ass and grind against him. He let him explore with hands and tongue and he actually started to believe that nothing bad would happen.

But then the front door shut and he could hear Thetis call for Achilles.

They pulled away from each other, faster than Patroclus thought possible. They did their best to fix themselves, but when Thetis came in, he could tell that she knew.

Her eyes burned with a rage that he never thought possible and he felt scared.

\- 1976 -

"No! Get the fuck off me!" Patroclus was shaking and he yanked his arms away from the golden haired man.

"Patroclus, please! Just listen to me!" Achilles was crying and the walls of Patroclus's house felt like they were going to collapse at any minute.

"No! You left for _months_! Then you come back, some pretty lil' redhead on your arm, and you're suddenly saying you're gettin' married!" 

"You think I wanna get married to her?"

"That's not the fucking point, Achilles!"

He had never seen Achilles look so desperate and weak and a part of him wanted to hold him and tell him everything would be fine. That he forgave him.

"I- I didn't- Please, Patroclus. I didn't want to. Mama made me. Said she would tell your dad about you if I didn't." 

And Patroclus froze. He knew Thetis hated him, but that would have been handling him a death sentence.

"You're getting married for me?" And Achilles flushed and looked away.

"Not exactly. Mama made me...and then she got pregnant and her daddy threatened to beat me over the head with his gun if I didn't marry her."

Patroclus pulled at his hair and wiped at his eyes.

"I- I need some time, Achilles. You, please just go."

Achilles looked at him, and his eyes spoke to him. They told him a tale of sorrow and hurt and they begged. 

And Patroclus looked away.

\- 1977 -

The church usually smells like dust and rain and the sun on a warm summers day and it used to fill his chest with this nice buzzing feeling. But it doesn't anymore.

Now it smells like an old attic filled with memories that he doesn't want to remember, that he can't bring himself to remember and it isn't a nice feeling anymore. It hurts.

Deidameia looked beautiful, her red hair was tied up and the white dress hugged her, you could would almost make out the slight swell of her stomach. Her smile was nearly blinding. 

Patroclus wanted to cry, wanted scream and run up to Achilles and tell him he loved him. 

But he didn't.

He just sat in the pews in the back of the church, watching the ceremony.

The wedding was quite small. Only the parents of the couple, Patroclus, and his father, who was officiating. And usually the church would be decorated, but it wasn't this time. There was little thought put into this, little care, and it made Patroclus happy.

When it was time to send the couple off on their honeymoon, he could feel Thetis' eyes on the back of his head. Probably gloating, dangling her victory over his head.

But he didn't care.

Nothing seemed to matter anymore.

\- 1978 -

"You have a son."

His hand was shaking and he thought he might drop his cigarette

"I can't do this anymore. Please, I don't love her and it won't help of he's raised in a house with unhappy parents."

Patroclus couldn't believe his ears. If Achilles had suggested running away before the wedding, he would have done it, would have packed grabbed his hand and just started running.

"You have a son, Achilles. A life. And I have one too." Achilles scoffed and crossed his arms.

"A life? You work at the gas station. You still live at home. What life is this?" 

"I don't know, Achilles," Patroclus took a drag from the cigarette. "Seems like a pretty fucking good one when my boss fucks me in the storage room at work."

He regretted it the second he said it.

"You're fucking Hector?" His voice was low, calm, and Patroclus was absolutely terrified.

"And you're married." 

Achilles was fuming now, pacing back and forth.

"I can't live like this anymore! All the time, I'm being nagged and yelled at and I'm never even allowed to hold him! What's the point of having a child if you're not allowed to raise him!" 

"Achilles-" He grabbed Patroclus's arm, pulling him close.

"Please. Let's just go. I can't do this anymore. I need you. Please." 

He wanted to say no.

He really wanted to say no.

This would absolutely ruin his life.

But he looked at Achilles, at how broken this man was. 

He put out his cigarette and he nodded. 

"If you can come up with a plan, a good one, we'll leave."

Achilles's face lit up. Patroclus used his thumb to wipe the tears off his face and Achilles kissed his palm.

"We're gonna go and we'll find a place and it'll be just you and me. We're gonna have our own house, and we'll do anything we want."

"It's getting late, Achilles, go home. We'll discuss this more tommorow." 

Achilles practically ran home, and Patroclus watched him from the porch.

And for the first time in a long time, he felt that warm feeling in his chest, like it would burst.


End file.
